Paul McKenna Relationship Podcast

Paul McKenna Positivity Podcast on Relationships

Paul McKenna is an internationally recognised hypnotherapist, self-help author, coach and trainer.

Paul McKenna's relationship podcast (April 2020) comes at a time when the world is in lock-down, due to Covid-19 / Coronavirus. This has placed huge stress on many relationships.

Traditionally, January is the busiest month for divorce lawyers after couples spend just a few weeks together over Christmas. We wait to see what months of lockdown will bring.

Be aware that your partner may be suffering from subconscious tension, as many of our basic needs (as defined by Human Givens) have been disrupted. It is easy to think their mood change is about us, when it may be more about them and what they are going through.

Listen to the Paul McKenna Relationship Podcast here.

What's in the Paul McKenna Relationship Podcast?

The podcast is about staying happy in your relationship, at a time when many couples report they are arguing about things they wouldn't normally argue about, for a couple of reasons:

The close confinement acts as an emotional amplifier.
If people are already stressed, this can find expression is smaller things.

Without resolving the smaller matters, so many things can seem wrong and overwhelming.

Research from John Gottman

Paul's podcast refers to a psychologist in Seattle (Dr John Gottman), who has identified 4 key actions used by people in relationships that work:

Listening. Avoid tuning out when the other person is talking and notice small variations. It will help you to understand the underlying concerns. It is also a sign of respect, shows that you care, and helps them to work through issues. Give time and attention.
Responding to bids. Bids are little opportunities to engage throughout the day, like when someone says hello or holds out their hand. Failing to notice or to respond to bids quickly erodes togetherness.
Expressing admiration. Noting beauty and kindness, and complimenting each other on a regular basis.
Expressing optimism. Commenting on the good things, good news and pleasures in life. Sharing things that you appreciate will double that positive feeling.

Mr Gottman also developed an approach to relationships, know as the Gottman method, through four decades of study and research into what makes relationships work.

The Gottman methods refers to the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse for relationships, which are important to avoid for a happy, long lasting relationship that is free of divorce:

Criticism
Defensiveness
Contempt
Stonewalling

Research from Marshall Rosenberg

Paul Mckenna then talks about conflict resolution, and Marshall Rosenberg's work on non-violent communication.

This creates a 4 stage technique to reduce conflict in relationships:

Say what you observe, objectively with a neutral description. Avoid criticism.
Say what you feel. This should be your emotions (e.g. I feel anxious), not assigning blame and responsibility to the other person (e.g. you make me feel anxious). Own your own emotions.
State your needs and ask about your partner's needs. What do you each need, to help with what you are feeling?
Make your request. Be clear on what is needed to resolve the matter and address your needs.

The more you practise, the easier this will become.

You might also like to state with a suggestion that the conversation is to help, rather than fight.

It might help to hold up a symbolic or real white handkerchief!

Contact us now to add a comment to this page, if you have any questions, or if you need confidential help with relationship matters:

You may also be interested in our relationship therapy page, for help with relationship online (video chat), in London and Guildford (Surrey).